we'll just keep running from tomorrow.

Okay, the daily thing failed, but I'll still try to post as often as I can.

I did sleep early on Friday night, so it wasn't a complete failure... even though I was sleeping early because I had to catch a bus at 7:10 the next morning.  Whatever.  Still counts.

But why a bus at a brutal hour of the morning you ask?  I went to Chicago this past Saturday, just for the one day.  For Lyle Beniga and Ian Eastwood's workshop at Visceral Dance Studio.  It was so awesome.  Ian and Lyle are the most amazing dancers.  You think they're so crazy watching them through your computer screen.  It is jaw-dropping, their skill and the level to which they take their dancing, and seeing it in person, the aura they emit, speechless.

The dances they taught.  Ridiculous.  And even though it was incredibly discouraging that day to see someone at least 5 years younger than me (and someone who was FIVE.  ...okay, maybe seven) totally kill it, I'm gonna get there.  That moment's discouragement will be my fuel.

To grow.  From here on out, never to forget that there is no end to growth, in anything and everything, unless I choose otherwise.  I speak four languages: English, Korean, Spanish, Dance.  At none of these am I perfect.  Although I am further along in some than others, the amount I can improve in each is the same.  Never will I ever master a single one of those languages, but I can come damn close.
This is what dance teaches me.  Dance is more than just moves to me; it's a reminder, of all the things that can be, and that they never come easy.

Lyle Beniga & Ian Eastwood - Young Lions Workshop - 11/08/10

습관.

So... let's try to make this a daily thing.  Hopefully I will have some sort of post up every day.  Time permitting.  Most likely I'll make time by sleeping a little less (?), so no worries.  You will get to hear me ramble every day.

The main reason I'm doing this is because I want something consistent.  Rather, I want the feeling of consistency (and productivity?).  I don't mean that I want routine, just that feeling of doing consistently well, being consistently productive, not wasting time.  Because lately, that is something I don't have.  Hopefully doing this will help me get that feeling and get everything else back on track - not that it isn't on track, I just don't feel honky-dory about it.  So why don't I feel the honky-dory-ness?  Mainly it's because I've fallen into several habits lately that I must and WILL break.

Some habits of mine:
1) I sleep late. - Nowadays, I rarely sleep before 4 or 5 in the morning.  I am either legitimately studying, or I'm "studying."  I partially blame this on wanting more time, therefore staying up late and getting up (relatively) at the same time makes me feel better about the fact that the days go by so fah-reakin fast.

2) I (sometimes) skip class. - An adverse affect of sleeping late.  I like to snooze.  And then I unknowingly turn my alarm off.  And then I wake up 5 minutes before my class is supposed to start.  And then I spew a plethora of expletives at the morning air (and/or myself) and fall back asleep.  Wash, rinse, repeat.    ...Shit.

3) I like to take naps. - See a trend here?  Little sleep means I most likely take a nap during the day.  Maybe even at night?  Which means later that night.. not so tired.  Therefore I sleep late.  Wash, rinse, repeat.    ...Fuck.

I guess these are the main three that have contributed to my shitty feeling.  But it's ok, 'cause like I said, they will be broken.  And pronto.  No more of this nocturnal business.  Lol (as I write this at 5 in the morning).  We'll see how it goes.


Linkin Park.  An old love of mine.  My first addiction.

Linkin Park - Breaking the Habit

third time.

1) architecture.

2) molecular and cellular biology.

3) linguistics and computer science.

All are majors that I have tried / are going to try.  But the third is the one.  It better be the one, 'cause I don't really have the time or resources to change again.  I started saying to myself quite a bit throughout this semester that I should go into languages.  I've always loved learning new languages, and the topic of linguistics has always fascinated me, but I never considered it as a career option.  It's just now that I realized the only class I've ever actually looked forward to was my Korean class.  It's the only one I've never skipped, never dreaded, the only one where I'm not constantly looking at the clock.
I wish I had come to this realization earlier, as I am now stuck in the middle of classes that have absolutely nothing to do with me anymore.  Which equals zero motivation to study for those classes.  The only problem is I want to keep my GPA, so after I write this... guess what?  I'm gonna go study.  The rest of this semester should prove interesting...

On the bright side, I have so much less on my shoulders, like those constant worries and what-if's about med school that never really leave you.  Gone.  I'm actually pretty damn excited about this change.  It won't be by any means easier, and I'm very well aware that there are other worries that come to replace the med school concerns, 'cause I hear linguistics and computer science is of the bitch family also, but it'll be so worth it.  Why?  'Cause I love it.

Modest Mouse - Float On

만약에.

그 날이 오면...

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside


그만이내.

세상에서 가장 못된...

나.
가장 이기적인 나.

정말... 내가 싫을때가 가끔 있다.

아~ 눈물...
닦아주고 싶다.

그 못...
빼주고 싶다.

그 상처...
지울수 있을까?


샤이니 - 욕 (慾) 



넬 - 믿어선 안될말

0440

---4:40 AM---

Ok.  I'm gonna go to sleep eventually tonight.  But not at the moment.
I seem to (apparently) have this thing where even though I know I'm going to be hella tired the next day, I don't feel the need to hurry to bed.  Yea.  Wtf.

Anyway, I've finished what I meant to finish tonight, and because I spent just about all of this week studying, and because I'm going to spend basically all of next week studying, I've decided to take tomorrow/today off.  yay.

So.. day off means doing choreo... lol.  Which, by the way, I cannot wait for.  I haven't danced in a while thanks to exams, but tomorrow is the day.  Gonna choreo, maybe (hopefully) learn a new dance, and RELAX.  what an idea.

---5:27 AM---

Looks like I'll be downstairs for a little bit more cause the Koreans down here are going outside for a cigarette (go figure) and they need me to open the door for them.  Apparently they don't live here?  Why are they here?  um...

Anyway, I figured out what song I'm going to do choreography for next (I actually just made a tentative mix for the first dance for Nightlife scene - life is so much more productive in the wee hours of the night/morning), AAAnd what dance I want to learn next.  I'm so excited!  Can't wait.

---5:32 AM---

Koreans are back in the building... that was fast.  aaand I'm still not going upstairs yet.  I guess I just wanted to talk about them.  that they smoke.  and they're fast.  cuz that's news.

---5:41 AM---

oh. um.. just cuz I always have a song with my posts...

I actually haven't listened to these guys in a while, and I was reminded of them by their concert poster that was up (they're performing here!), so I went back and listened to them.. and remembered why they're so awesome.

30 Seconds to Mars - Night of the Hunter


---5:50 AM---

GOOD NIGHT.

at war with dream.

So.  Hoping this wakes me up a little bit.

Downloaded a song by Jay Park, and it took me a couple listens to realize that it's actually former 2PM member Jay Park.  I did recognize the name, but listening, I just thought "I didn't know there was another artist named Jay Park."  This was partly because I didn't have a very high opinion of Jay Park's singing, and this one wasn't half bad, so it kinda went against my predisposition.  And part of it was 'cause he's not the only one singing.  But anyhow, it's not half bad.

See for yourself.

Speechless - Jay Park


And he has another single called 'Bestie' that's also decent. Apparently the studio version isn't out yet though, so no vid.

Oh, and this failed at the waking up, but whatever.
I suppose I will go to bed in a little bit..
SIGH. my mortal enemy.  why must you be so difficult?

stupid.

I really hate losing invaluable points in class for stupid shit that could've been easily avoided.  Like forgetting to do homework.  Fuck that shit.

So, moral... don't forget to do homework.  Make the damned to-do list.  And use it.

yea.

This is completely unrelated, but isn't it SO cute?
=D

grazie a destino

change one small thing, and EVERYTHING would be different.

When I came to college, I had no idea who my roommate would be. Due to my innate laziness, I had applied late for housing, and I got a temporary room with two other students. A week or so before move-in, I was emailed a new, more permanent room assignment, and that's where my life as I know it right now started. My roommate. And the only reason I was assigned as her roommate was because the girl who was supposed to room with her didn't show for some reason. She must have transferred, or switched dorms. Either way, by some stroke of luck, I met my current roommate Christine. We ended up doing a lot of things together. Long story short (again, I'm lazy), with Christine I joined the Asian-American club on campus, which is where I met a lot of people. And with Christine I joined the club's annual show, which is where I found my passion for dance as well as met a lot of my closest friends.

It's really strange to think that, had I come to college and not met my current roommate, I would not be where I am right now. Had I gone to a different college, I would not be where I am right now. I would not have met all the people that I spend a good portion of my time with now (maybe I would have, but I definitely wouldn't have been as close), I would definitely not be as involved, and on that note, I would most definitely not have been dancing. Wow. What would I be doing now? I have no idea. What would I do without my friends now, and what would I do without dance?


grazie a destino.



Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong



Sick Puppies - All The Same



Bullet For My Valentine - Forever and Always



Yea...I couldn't pick just one.

give 'til there's nothing left. value in every breath.

Atreyu - Bleeding is a Luxury


would you throw it all away?
what is the extent of your passion?
what is your need for your passion?
does it transcend your need/want for comfort and security?
what is comfort and security?
what is approval?
what is it?
do you really need it?
could you throw it all away?