one of the reasons i love college.

Because I don't have to see the 'rents every day.  Leave it up to them to somehow put you in a shitty mood anyway.

write "FAILURE," read "EXPERIENCE."

we can totally do this.

쓸때는 실패라고 쓰지만
훗날 읽을때는 경험이라고 읽는다.

breakfast?

I am O so dangerously close to getting breakfast before I go to bed right now.  But that would be stupid.  Cuz that would increase the chance of me going back to my old sleeping schedule from last semester by a good 'ol tenfold.  ...
...
...
...
Agh.
Good night.

이제서야.

드디어, 내가 인생에서 원하는 것을 찾은것같다...  그런대 그것을 어떻게 나의 현실로 만들수있을까?  어떻게하면 바람이 될수있을까?

you give me a feeling that I...

So here I am, back after a little blogging dry spell with that fresh feeling that the new year always brings (a feeling that is too often short-lived - by many.  I sincerely wish everyone the best of luck in keeping your New Year's resolutions last past February.  All not to be pessimistic, but real.  How about renewing those resolutions every week and not every year?  I'm saying this to myself, as well, so please don't be offended at my seeming lack of faith).  Anyway, happy New Year!  새해복 많이 받으세요!

The countdown this year for me was actually kind of bland.  I saw it happen in New York an hour before it would even be relevant to me.  So ten minutes before midnight (my time), 2011 was old news.  Somehow the fact that the new year actually (technically) happens 24 times all over the world makes it a little less special.  And the next time I saw the clock, at 12:30am, i felt no different than I did approximately 40 minutes before.  I say 'approximately' because during that 40 minutes I wasn't thinking of the new year at all, and my sense of time was nonexistent - I wasn't thinking the "10, 9, 8…, 2, 1" that everyone else in my time zone was thinking. 

I wanna say the new year really happened for me on the 17th of December.  My last final exam of the semester.  That was the real release I had been waiting for ever since I decided I wasn't going to major in biology anymore.  Those final two months (?) or so of my fall semester were really just a drag because I was stuck studying something that no longer meant anything to me.  The only thing that kept me going was my GPA.  I suppose that's the real clue that I shouldn't be majoring in biology.  The only reason I sat through biology and chemistry classes - mind, nowhere does this say that I was awake in said class - was because it was relevant to my then-future-career.  Not because I was interested.  Because it was relevant.  So my new year came a little early.  My countdown was not me, champagne-in-hand watching a shiny ball drop, it was me looking over my chemistry exam for the third time, relieved - although slightly in disbelief - that it was all over.  Glad that I could be excited with no extraneous thoughts or strings attached.

So the new year's bringing good things.  Mainly two.  I'm finally going to get to dive into linguistics and computer science (my new major and minor), and I'm getting another shot at Dance 2xs UIUC (this is the year - I'm going hard ;] ).

and That is all.  For now.

Alicia Keys - Unthinkable, choreography by Shaun Evaristo

and this is just a special treat, cuz Nika's awesome, in every sense of the word.

Willow - Whip My Hair, choreography by Nika Kljun

morning or night?

Lately my sleep schedule's been...off.  So much so that I really don't know if I qualify as night person or a morning person.  It's all one in the same now.   My nights blend into mornings and I feel no desperate need to crawl into bed unless I'm to the point where I'm so tired, I'm angry.  I wonder if this is some sort of psychological disorder.  Perhaps.

At the moment I am about to get breakfast, and the plan is to eat, possibly listen to another MCB lecture, hopefully listen to another MCB lecture (because I have a seemingly inherent disability in terms of being productive during normal hours), look over PSYC notes, go to class, take my quiz, try not to get angry, and depending on my state of mind after PSYC (most likely: Horrendous) I will try to make it to my last and most glorious MCB lecture of the semester.  Last, but my first in a very, very long time.  Hence: glorious (and, I predict: Infuriating, capital "I").  Maybe I'll even make it to the optional CHEM class where we'll spend however many of the fifty minutes making things that will go "boom."

However, all this is very hopeful, if not foolish.  I'd say mostly foolish, because I'm quite awake and aware at the moment, but who's to say it's going to last?  At all?  But it's the thought that counts, no?  And let's face it.  That last one, CHEM class? probably not gonna live to see it happen.

...maybe I'll slip a shower in here somewhere.  ;]

i just...

want to dance.
i want to fly.
i want to run.
i want to be able to dream,
to fantasize,
without being told i'm not capable, or that it won't be allowed.
i want to be free.
of...everything.
and do whatever the fuck i wish.
wherever the fuck i choose.

the best twenty dollars.

Post-Urbanite clinics Fall 2010

Telephone - Lady Gaga & Beyonce, choreography by Camillo Lauricella and Nika Kljun


It is needless to say (but I'll say it anyway), this piece makes me so happy.  Partly because it's an amazing, fun dance, and partly because now it reminds me of the day I took class from Nika Kljun, Patrick Chen, and Maxi Fesenmayer.  I sincerely hope I'll get the chance to take class from them again, especially Nika.  She's so fun!  That was the best class experience I've had so far.  Of course because the teachers were so great, but also because it was the first class I've taken where I've felt marked improvement in my dancing (not to mention I could actually see despite having a spot near the back).  I know for an absolute fact that at the beginning of this school year, I would not have been able to pick up this dance in that one class.  By no means can I do it perfectly (yet), but I can do it beginning to end (and I'd like to say fairly well) without getting lost or forgetting the moves.  Which, I used to do frequently in previous classes from other teachers.
The atmosphere in class was amazing, as well.  Everyone there was there - from Mexico, Chicago, Slovenia, Germany, etc - because they loved dance, and it was just fun, and chill.
Can't wait for another class.  Can't wait for another class from Nika!  This might be unlikely, but I really hope she comes back next year.

I Love You - Chris Brown, choreography by Patrick Chen and Maxi Fesenmayer

seven.

Jazmine Sullivan - Need You Bad, choreography by Shaun Evaristo

six.

Usher - More, choreography by Keone Madrid

five.

Ludacris - Party No Mo, choreography by Kyle Hanagami

four.

Janet Jackson - Rock With You, choreography by Shaun Evaristo


My brother just came home, yay!

three.

Hot and sweaty.  That's what this is.  =]

Json - Crank It Up, choreography by Keone Madrid

two.

the floor of my room is going to fall through any second now.  but it's worth it. 

Justin Timberlake - Rock Your Body, choreography by Ian Eastwood and Keone Madrid.

one.

Back home for break.
I must say, its nice to see the 'rents again.  I got to have a long talk with my mom on the way back, which was nice (and also necessary, 'cause if we weren't talking I would have totally fallen asleep at the wheel).

Coming home's kind of a weird feeling now.  It's like my real home's at school, and I'm just here for the holiday.  Which, I am, just here for the holiday, but you know what I mean..  school is the norm now, and home is that foreign place that I need to get "used to."

But in any case, it's nice.  To have time.  To do stuff.  Like dance.  I almost forgot how nice it was to just take time to dance.  Which actually reminds me.. I need to find somewhere where I can record my dance for One in a Million.  I don't think my room is quite big enough to do that.  Maybe I can find a dance studio  I can use when there's nobody there?  We'll see.
But yea, dance.  I've been itching to dance for weeks now, and I finally can!  With nothing hanging over my head - immediately anyway.  So to start off this oh-so-glorious break filled with dance and food, I learned PDA, choreography by Shaun Evaristo.  Appropriately chill and fun for my first day back.

psych.

You know what I hate more than an unhappy ending?  An ending that never happens.  Or an ending that is the only thing that happens.  Why the hell would anyone think that that is a good way to end a movie?  Sure, you have that moment of revelation where you find out what has actually been going on, but usually, for me, at least, that moment is followed by frustration and intense dissatisfaction.  "Hey, here's a twist.  You know how you just spent the last 2 hours watching this movie?  Yea, none of that actually happened.  Hope you liked it!"
Excuse me?  the hell is wrong with you?

Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman in American Psycho (2000)

*SPOILERS

I watched the movie American Psycho for my psychology class yesterday, and the movie was going well; I had heard good things about it, and watching Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale) and his psychotic nature was fairly entertaining, and a little funny (although it kind of ruined Batman for me...).  But when you find out at the end that basically the whole movie was just a figment of Bateman's imagination - what you see him do is actually just what he wants to do, and the extent of Bateman's actual activity in the movie turns out to be him drawing like a maniac in his planner about the things he fantasizes about.  Lame.

Jude Law as Remy in Repo Men (2010)

*SPOILERS
Same with the movie Repo Men, starring Jude Law.  There is a point halfway through the movie when everything that happens from then on is a dream.  What a waste of time.  It's not like these movies are real anyway, but to find out at the end that the final half of the movie didn't happen is quite frustrating.  

we'll just keep running from tomorrow.

Okay, the daily thing failed, but I'll still try to post as often as I can.

I did sleep early on Friday night, so it wasn't a complete failure... even though I was sleeping early because I had to catch a bus at 7:10 the next morning.  Whatever.  Still counts.

But why a bus at a brutal hour of the morning you ask?  I went to Chicago this past Saturday, just for the one day.  For Lyle Beniga and Ian Eastwood's workshop at Visceral Dance Studio.  It was so awesome.  Ian and Lyle are the most amazing dancers.  You think they're so crazy watching them through your computer screen.  It is jaw-dropping, their skill and the level to which they take their dancing, and seeing it in person, the aura they emit, speechless.

The dances they taught.  Ridiculous.  And even though it was incredibly discouraging that day to see someone at least 5 years younger than me (and someone who was FIVE.  ...okay, maybe seven) totally kill it, I'm gonna get there.  That moment's discouragement will be my fuel.

To grow.  From here on out, never to forget that there is no end to growth, in anything and everything, unless I choose otherwise.  I speak four languages: English, Korean, Spanish, Dance.  At none of these am I perfect.  Although I am further along in some than others, the amount I can improve in each is the same.  Never will I ever master a single one of those languages, but I can come damn close.
This is what dance teaches me.  Dance is more than just moves to me; it's a reminder, of all the things that can be, and that they never come easy.

Lyle Beniga & Ian Eastwood - Young Lions Workshop - 11/08/10

습관.

So... let's try to make this a daily thing.  Hopefully I will have some sort of post up every day.  Time permitting.  Most likely I'll make time by sleeping a little less (?), so no worries.  You will get to hear me ramble every day.

The main reason I'm doing this is because I want something consistent.  Rather, I want the feeling of consistency (and productivity?).  I don't mean that I want routine, just that feeling of doing consistently well, being consistently productive, not wasting time.  Because lately, that is something I don't have.  Hopefully doing this will help me get that feeling and get everything else back on track - not that it isn't on track, I just don't feel honky-dory about it.  So why don't I feel the honky-dory-ness?  Mainly it's because I've fallen into several habits lately that I must and WILL break.

Some habits of mine:
1) I sleep late. - Nowadays, I rarely sleep before 4 or 5 in the morning.  I am either legitimately studying, or I'm "studying."  I partially blame this on wanting more time, therefore staying up late and getting up (relatively) at the same time makes me feel better about the fact that the days go by so fah-reakin fast.

2) I (sometimes) skip class. - An adverse affect of sleeping late.  I like to snooze.  And then I unknowingly turn my alarm off.  And then I wake up 5 minutes before my class is supposed to start.  And then I spew a plethora of expletives at the morning air (and/or myself) and fall back asleep.  Wash, rinse, repeat.    ...Shit.

3) I like to take naps. - See a trend here?  Little sleep means I most likely take a nap during the day.  Maybe even at night?  Which means later that night.. not so tired.  Therefore I sleep late.  Wash, rinse, repeat.    ...Fuck.

I guess these are the main three that have contributed to my shitty feeling.  But it's ok, 'cause like I said, they will be broken.  And pronto.  No more of this nocturnal business.  Lol (as I write this at 5 in the morning).  We'll see how it goes.


Linkin Park.  An old love of mine.  My first addiction.

Linkin Park - Breaking the Habit

third time.

1) architecture.

2) molecular and cellular biology.

3) linguistics and computer science.

All are majors that I have tried / are going to try.  But the third is the one.  It better be the one, 'cause I don't really have the time or resources to change again.  I started saying to myself quite a bit throughout this semester that I should go into languages.  I've always loved learning new languages, and the topic of linguistics has always fascinated me, but I never considered it as a career option.  It's just now that I realized the only class I've ever actually looked forward to was my Korean class.  It's the only one I've never skipped, never dreaded, the only one where I'm not constantly looking at the clock.
I wish I had come to this realization earlier, as I am now stuck in the middle of classes that have absolutely nothing to do with me anymore.  Which equals zero motivation to study for those classes.  The only problem is I want to keep my GPA, so after I write this... guess what?  I'm gonna go study.  The rest of this semester should prove interesting...

On the bright side, I have so much less on my shoulders, like those constant worries and what-if's about med school that never really leave you.  Gone.  I'm actually pretty damn excited about this change.  It won't be by any means easier, and I'm very well aware that there are other worries that come to replace the med school concerns, 'cause I hear linguistics and computer science is of the bitch family also, but it'll be so worth it.  Why?  'Cause I love it.

Modest Mouse - Float On

만약에.

그 날이 오면...

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Otherside


그만이내.